Starting over is hard. Starting over sucks. Starting over hurts.
In about four weeks I get to take my first steps toward this idea that has put a large weight upon my shoulders just at the thought of it. When you get settled, comfortable and content in one or more aspects of your life, the idea of having to shake it up and dump it all out sounds terrible. It’s a cruel reality that sometimes all the pieces just don’t fit. You may have almost finished in putting your puzzle together, but if the last piece won’t happily sit in it’s space you’ve got to figure out what went wrong.
This is exactly how I’ve been feeling and I’ve pretty much figured out that no matter how much I push, plead, and beg–the puzzle pieces aren’t a match and I’ve got to start over. I’m not throwing out all the pieces, but my life needs a big “repositioning” to make everything work out and fit together like it should.
This is just my short and sweet (kind of…at least it’s not a novel yet) guide to starting over when life gets messy and the chips that should fall together end up in a big, nasty pile and you have to ask yourself “where did I go wrong?”
When the going gets tough…you’re allowed to sit, cry and be upset.
When I say this, I don’t mean that you should wallow forever in pity that things just didn’t go your way. No, I’m saying it’s okay to sit and mourn a little bit about the way things got messed up and went south. It’s okay to be upset–no one can be happy all the time and those that are have something seriously wrong with them. Some days just make you feel like the whole world is crumbling, so cry the kind of tears that let all the feelings out and, when you’re done, go grab a tissue and pick yourself back up because…
There is always another choice, option and way out…so go for it.
I hate it when people say things are “out of their control.” It’s a load of crap and gives people an excuse to not go after what they really want. If your life is not going the way you want it to, change it. Like that famous quote by Jim Rohn that is on every pinterest board, t-shirt and inspirational pillow: you are not a tree! You are not stuck and limited to growing in one spot. Put one foot in front of the other and move. Run, walk, skip–it doesn’t matter–just move. Research and figure out how to change your current situation and do what needs doing.
What stinks about making decisions that are the best for you is not everyone is going to be happy with the results. You can’t make everyone happy, so don’t try to. A wise person once told me that sometimes you just have to do or choose the unpopular decision that ultimately works for you and your life. Now, don’t go around trying to hurt everything and everyone you love. That is just a terrible decision in itself and truly just plain mean. But, the reality is that you are in control of your life. So don’t be afraid to live like it. With that in mind…
Don’t forget to bloom wherever you are planted.
And yet another plant pun to get my point across. Every flower has to grow through some dirt, and every person has to persevere through situations that are completely out of their control. When there are places in your life that you cannot physically change or remove yourself from, sometimes you just have to deal with them. Maybe starting over doesn’t mean picking up and moving, maybe it’s an attitude change. A change of heart. A new outlook on life.
I love the serenity prayer that states, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” It’s also on every Pinterest board I’ve seen to date, but it’s completely true. It’s within your power to change your life one way or another, and when in doubt–don’t be afraid to pray it out.
Think of everything as a do-over.
What makes starting over completely brilliant is that it is ultimately just a do-over. Another chance to make things right or just do something differently. Make a conscious effort to change things that need changing and break habits that need to be broken. Find those aches and pains and put them to rest–you are allowed to be the kind of person that you want to be. So, when starting over, view it as an opportunity to redefine yourself if that is what you really need. Put yourself first for once and take a few chances. Starting over wipes the slate clean, and makes everything a little bit better if you let it.
I feel this way with transferring schools and crossing state lines. It sounds silly, but this gives me an extra opportunity that not everyone gets–one that I ultimately need. It’s scary because I love all my friends here in Chicago and I’m comfortable here, but it’s not the place for me. So, I get to pull together all the courage I’ve got left and take this starting over thing to heart. Let myself make some new mistakes and hopefully find the place I actually belong.
Get all the skeletons out of the closet and throw them away.
Burn ’em if you have to. Dump the baggage. Free yourself.
Dig deep into that heart of yours, wrack your brain, and give yourself some understanding. Take a step back and understand why you are the way that you are and how you got to your latest conclusion. Why did you have to start over? Did your career take a u-turn? Were things just not working out between the two of you? Were you itching for some change? Try your best to understand what happened, and put it behind you.
In the physical sense, go through your belongings and throw away anything that is adding weight to your load–things that just don’t mean enough to carry around with you. Old clothes and shoes you don’t wear, books you won’t read, pots and pans you don’t use and things that remind you of what made you hurt all count. Put them in their respective piles, toss out what needs to go, and let the garbage truck carry them away. Realize that being a packrat will make starting your life over that much harder to do.
Quit over thinking everything and anything.
This is probably one of my biggest faults. I will sit and think through every possible scenario, dissect my decisions, and leave them completely unrecognizable from all the worry and anxiety I throw their way. In the end it doesn’t make anything better. In fact, it just makes everything that much worse.
I have found that you still need to make decisions based on logic and practicality, but don’t analyze them too hard. When an opportunity works out, parallels the right direction of where you want your life to go, or even just feels right: take it. Put down that deposit, sign that paper work and take what you want.
Don’t go “find” yourself, create yourself and just start over if that’s what you have to do.
Life is exactly what you make it out to be.
I feel like this guide is a little unfinished, but I’m happy with what it’s mustered up to be so far. I’m thinking a part two is in order once I get back home to Texas…
When it comes to the blog as a whole, I’ve decided to post at least 3 times a week on a schedule of Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Spontaneous posts will just find themselves in between 🙂 I have recipes, diys and photography tips in the works and a self-portrait project I hope to start this week that goes along with some of the ideas from my previous posts. This blog has been such a blessing to me so far, and I can’t wait to see where it takes me in the future.